The Wedding Night Narrative

This is a topic that I struggled with. I went back and forth trying to decide whether or not I was going to share it with you guys. I came to the conclusion that if I didn’t I wouldn’t be honestly providing you with the full experience of what it’s like to be a newlywed, especially since this topic is such an important part of marriage. What’s more is that more often than not it’s an even bigger deal in the beginning of a marriage.

(Deep breath) Ok here goes…

When Superman and I got married he and I were both virgins. Gasp! I know, shocking isn’t it? Well, it’s true. Despite this fact, I wasn’t nervous at all on our wedding night. I was curious and there was something exciting about the unknown. Of course I was also excited to finally find out what all the hype was about. I’ll paint the picture of how I imagined it to be like. It would be beautiful, romantic and passionate. And yes, I was aware of the inevitable pain and discomfort, I mean I wasn’t naïve but it wouldn’t be anything I couldn’t handle and it would most likely give way to pure awesomeness after an hour at the most. Ya know, cuz we are first timers here.

HA!

Let’s just say that that beautiful picture I painted for myself was soon ripped to shreds

I mean don’t get me wrong. It did start out beautiful, romantic and passionate but as soon as we got down to the “nitty gritty,” I suddenly wasn’t so excited, curiosity had decided that it wanted no parts of it and the “pure awesomeness” stood me up without even calling. The only thing that remained constant and true to my beautiful picture was the intruding presence of the pain and discomfort. Oh and remember when I said those two would only last for an hour? Um, yeah that was a gross miscalculation. It was more like, let’s see…add 3, carry the 1, minus 5…a month! Yup that’s right. It was about a month before I started to feel any resemblance of pure awesomeness and even then it was more like pure awesomeness’ distant cousin, once removed. However, I will say that our first experience together was still beautiful because we love each other and we had the privilege of experiencing this great act of love for the first time, only with each other.

Now, for all you engaged ladies that have yet to be de-flowered, I’m not trying to scare you. I’m simply relaying my honest experience to you guys. I mean yes, for the life of me I couldn’t understand WHY anyone would want to do it, but eventually I did find out why (wink, wink). It won’t always be that way. It can and will be everything “they” say it is. It just takes patience (a lot of patience) and practice (a lot of practice) on both of your parts. You have to get good at it just like anything else. Take math for example…er…ok well perhaps I shouldn’t use math, I’ve always sucked at it no matter how much I practiced but you get my drift.

Here’s my advice, if you want to educate yourself about something you have to do your research right? Look it up on the internet...

read books....

try different techniques...um...I can't exactly give you a picture to go with this one...

Anyway, my point is that everyone is different and different things work for different people so don't get discouraged. Have fun and don’t give up!

XOXO,

TNB

The First Supper

Ok so for my first grocery trip for our new home we went to this really cool discount grocery store called Aldi (I tell you all about its sheer awesomeness in another post). While browsing in the meat section I found these really cool beef filets wrapped in bacon. You should know that Superman loves bacon even more than he loves me so with that fact in mind I decided they would be great to cook for the first dinner in our new home. Mind you they were kind of small, like not-even-the-circumference-of-a-coaster small, but what with my excitement about the cool grocery store and interest at the fact that they were clothed in bacon I don’t even take their size into account, I just happily throw 2 in the cart.

We get home and later on my pastor and his wife came over because my pastor wanted to talk with Superman about church stuff. While the men are in the family room talking, my pastor’s wife was in the kitchen with me. So I’m cooking and she’s asking me questions about what we’re having. So I show her the bacon-wrapped beef filets and she’s all like, “Oh those look good. So you get two and Superman (Of course she didn’t really call him Superman, duh only I get to call him that) gets two?” I’m like, “…Nn-no…I get one and he gets one.” Then she proceeds to give me a look that suggests I’d asked her to donate one of her limbs to science. Mind you if they’re small now imagine how small they’ll be after they cook down. So by this point, panic begins to set in. I was really excited about the first dinner and I really wanted it to be perfect. In my head I’m thinking, “Crap! What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?

Snaps fingers) I KNOW!


So my new plan was to serve him a salad before dinner so he would think dinner was in courses and I was trying be all creative, when in all actuality I’m just trying to make him full so he won’t notice how ridiculously small his cut of meat is (Haha, genius, I know). Long story short, of course that gullible goat played right into my hands and thought I had planned it like that all along (He didn’t know which end was up)! So with the crisis averted he ate the salad, those stupid beef filets, the broccoli, the baked potato and drank the grape juice that I deftly kept refilling his glass with throughout the entire affair. In the end he was full and none the wiser.



XOXO,


TNB

"Home" Wasn't Built in a Day

So…I know I haven’t been here in a while. Please forgive me. I’ve been super busy as always. In the months that I've been gone my husband was liscensed as a minister and my sister got married so I have a good excuse, see? But anyway as I mentioned in my previous post, my husband and I were having our first home built. Exciting right?! Yeah I know, we were excited to be finally moving in.

On the morning of moving day we got up, got dressed and started…well…moving. Before we moved in we’d been storing all of the furniture hand-me-downs and houseware items we’d been accumulating in my in-laws’ garage. Being that this was the case my father-in-law was all too excited about being able to actually park cars in his garage again so naturally he wanted to start moving these items first. While I’m moving things like glasses and dinnerware, Superman (btw my hubby will here by be known as “Superman” from now on…so get used to it), his brother and his dad start moving the heavy stuff. While on my way back to the garage from loading something I hear an agonizing yell. It was my Superman!

I immediately run into the garage to see him writhing in pain on the garage floor, holding his leg. Apparently while attempting to move part of a bed frame there were two very heavy glass slabs leaning against it, covered in blankets. Superman didn’t see it and therefore they both fell onto his leg, he narrowly managed to save his toes from being crushed in the process. I then hover on top of him and try to comfort him as best I can.

Then my father-in-law comes up with the great idea to get him off of the dirty garage floor and into the house. We place him on the couch, elevate his leg and I go and make him an icepack. His father then proceeds to ask him a few medical type questions, ya know, like…can you move your toes?…can you feel this?…does this hurt? Superman answers all his questions and to me the prognosis looks good until my father-in-law stands up and says very nonchalantly, “Yeah, we should probably take you to the emergency room,” and then just walks back into the garage.

Um…WHAT?!

I should probably mention that according to my mother-in-law, my father-in-law has a bit of a preoccupation with the emergency room. At the slightest stomach ache or muscle cramp he thinks that a trip to the emergency room just goes without saying.

I remembered this tidbit of information and immediately calmed down. Superman did not need to go to the emergency room, he just needed to stay off his leg…which meant that he couldn’t drive us to our new house. No biggie, I would just have to drive us. Did I mention that I only have a learner’s permit (Hey! Don’t judge me, I’m workin on it!)? So of course being a man, Superman insisted that he was totally fine to drive and of course we all know that he totally wasn’t, so I drove. Do you know how scary it is for a new driver to drive behind a flat-bed truck carrying furniture and an entire king size bed where the mattresses are swaying as if they’re gonna go any minute? Ooh, ooh, I do! I do! It is pretty darn scary lemme tell ya.

I kid you not this is exactly what it looked like except we were on back roads and those 2 dudes in the back definitely weren't there

However, I managed to keep up, not get pummeled by any mattress missiles and get me and my injured Superman to our new home safe and sound. And, as a reward for reading this long post….you get to look at pictures of our home from start to finish!! Yayy!!

XOXO,

TNB

Our "Sold" sign and me in heels trying not to kill myself on the rocks

Who knew one could be so happy to own so much dirt?

More of our dirt

The foundation/basement


The foundation/basement filled around w/ more dirt

Me standing on the dirt, peering into what would become the basement


The wood package that would be used for framing the house

The beginnings of the framing

The framing from the inside and me trying to dodge pictures. As you've probably noticed by now, we visited our house like everyday lol. Don't judge us!

The starway to Heaven...jk, the main staircase


The living room and kitchen


Here it is completely framed

Almost complete, just missing some paint on the door and some shutters


Home Sweet Home!